Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Grampa Toby and Otis


Grampa Toby and Otis
Originally uploaded by jakeyd.

We are very, very tired. And very happy. In neither case, in exactly the way people seem to say it is. With a depressed puppy, who is, we think, starting to work through it. I guess, that while this is all the same, it is also very different. It seems to me this calls for a song lyric. Doubtless one already written that is momentarily escaping me. I am losing the ability to write cogently.

I am going to miss my parents, who've been staying here for the past week. In fact, I'm not really sure how we're going to do without them, but I guess all new parents say goodbye after a week or so, and we all turn out OK...

Grandpa Toby passed on 12-1-05, Grandpa Dwight on 9-15-06, we're thankful thay got to spend time with Otis.

Morfar, Otis, and Auntie Ing


Morfar, Otis, and Auntie Ing
Originally uploaded by jakeyd.

Erin Grilling


Erin Grilling
Originally uploaded by jakeyd.

Cory and Jackson


Cory and Jackson
Originally uploaded by jakeyd.

David and Auntie Ing


David and Auntie Ing
Originally uploaded by jakeyd.

David and Morfar


David and Morfar
Originally uploaded by jakeyd.

Auntie Ing and Brutus


Auntie Ing and Brutus
Originally uploaded by jakeyd.

Mormor and Otis


Mormor and Otis
Originally uploaded by jakeyd.

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Dispatch from Brooklyn


Together At Last
Originally uploaded by jakeyd.

We made it home through 20 hours of flying with a kid who wouldn't sleep. Sometimes we were the family from hell. But make it home we did, and now the real work begins.


A Rare Moment of Sleep on the Flight Home

Suck On That Airline Hot Towel


Suck On That Airline Hot Towel
Originally uploaded by jakeyd.

Welcome to America, Otis. Your Ride's Here.

Meeting Bruno


Meeting Bruno
Originally uploaded by jakeyd.

Otis Meets Grandma June or Mormor


Otis Meets Grandma June or Mormor
Originally uploaded by jakeyd.

Meeting Aunt Lisa


Meeting Aunt Lisa
Originally uploaded by jakeyd.

Teething On an Ashtray


Teething On an Ashtray
Originally uploaded by jakeyd.

It's a Success!


It's a Success!
Originally uploaded by jakeyd.

Trying Out the New High Chair


Trying Out the New High Chair
Originally uploaded by jakeyd.

Trying Zucchini Soup with Aunt Tina & Uncle Joe

Friday, August 05, 2005

Last Post from Almaty


Impetigo, what Impetigo?
Originally uploaded by jakeyd.

The day began with Vladimir driving us into the mountains near the Big Almaty River. We stopped at a natural spring, and Vladimir filled up about ten five gallon jugs from it. Mighty tasty water. Otis took a nap on the way up and was in a great mood as you can see from the pictures.

We stopped at a small village where a husband and wife run a handcrafts operation out of their (modern, western-style house), although they have a sort of display yurt out front. CD inspected the premises…. CD: The husband is a silversmith and traditional instrument maker; he played a song for me on a modern version of the instrument Mel asked about previously. The wife works with textiles, doing traditional embroidery on felt and cotton for shoes and bags, mostly. Needless to say, I bought more stuff, then took a tour of the yurt. The husband told me that he recently took a lot of their work, including a disassembled (different) yurt, to Dubai and the United Arab Emirates. It was apparently a very successful trip – he even sold the yurt for $25,000 to someone in Dubai. One wonders a little about the purchaser. OK, back to DJ….

On the way down we stopped at a café run by people from the Caucasus region. The café is situated along the Big Almaty; we got a private little dining table under a Quonset roof. We had the best shashlyk we’ve had here, along with amazing stuffed blinis, and very good meat-stuffed grape leaves. Then back to 120 Furmanov for the last time to pack up and get ready to go.

We are leaving tonight/tomorrow at 3:20 a.m., four hour layover in Frankfurt, arriving at JFK at 12:30 PM on Saturday. I’ll be packing up the laptop after I put this post up, so this is it. I think that we will maintain this blog for another week or so. CD is dubious, we’ll see. If you’ve been reading along, you know that at some point each of us felt like we would never get to this day, but here we are. We have many people to thank for making this a special trip. The risk of doing this, of course, is that we will forget someone. So, whoever you are, we apologize and we definitely love you, too.

First, of course, is Otis. Not much more to say. Here is the rest of our Oscar speech. Thank you….

1. Alan McCarthy for being Alan McCarthy

2. All of our single mom friends who are demonstrating every day that if you can do it, so can we.

3. Alpha, alpha cat, best pal and dearly missed

4. Arlo Guthrie for “Old Paint” and Bruce for “Incident on 57th Street,” Otis’ favorite lullabies, along with Loudon’s “Swimming Song”

5. Ben Fishelman, who notarized every document that needed notarizing with no questions asked

6. Bill Sweeney, ’nuff said

7. The Boerum Hill E-Group, for reminding us that silliness resides in all cities

8. Bruno, our first boy, for keeping the joy in our hearts, truer love hath no man…

9. Curt, Toby & Miguel, for keeping the Jones Day home fires burning

10. Dan and Tessa, who never actually posted (which stunk!), but somehow still managed to make us feel guilty for never getting to the brew pub.

11. David and Karin, for keeping us laughing

12. Doug, Gina, Nicky and Elizabeth Stormont who continually reminded us of how special it is to be a family

13. Eli Jacobson, brother, friend and uncle

14. Ellen Baer and David Lebenstein, for sending the right note when we needed it

15. Elliott, Loretta, and Mary Lynch, our new, and most welcome, friends

16. Everyone at HR&A and Jones Day, for your affection and the very welcome distractions from the main point of this trip

17. Everyone on the various KZ adoption e-groups, for being a constant source of information, inspiration, and support… especially to Ken Pierce, who made us go public and to whom we wish the best in his quest to bring the girls home

18. Frank Stanley, for heartfelt, wise, eloquent posts and for helping to keep the memory of stiff drinks and rare prime beef alive

19. Greg and Ing, who kept us in touch with the other member of our family… and for taking our (C’s) neuroses seriously

20. Greg Morcroft (and his fabulous family), who may have written our all time favorite comment (even if he only posted once)

21. James, Anastasia, and Vincent, who are going to ensure that Otis grows up bilingual

22. Jan & Wodanskalden, for dedicating a chorale, Magnificat, to Otis

23. Jessica, who kept us up on Alehouse gossip

24. Joe & Tina Barber - Joe called almost every day to keep our heads in the game and is (with Tina) picking us up at the airport

25. John Alschuler, with whom C has had a long, complicated 25-year relationship as boss, mentor, partner, and if there was any doubt, it was settled on this trip, friend

26. John & Jan Jassili, the onesies are great and so are you

27. June and Dwight, who affirmed the rightness of the decision to come here and make Otis part of our family… and who forwarded us Bruno’s letters

28. Karen Auster, for affirming C’s mom’s contention that good books + common sense = good child rearing

29. Karen Jacobson and Julian Haft, for unconditional love

30. Lisa Jacobson, for always watching out for all four of us, our house, our heads and our hearts

31. Loudon Wainwright III, for all the songs about family and ambivalence

32. Marianna Simone and Rob Mangus, for keeping our respective numbers crunched

33. Marla, for common sense and making us laugh; thanks, Rabbi

34. Mary and Ted, for sending us the most gorgeous bra, which David keeps saying is “very sexy.” (Sorry Ted, couldn’t resist!)

35. Maxim, who took us down the last mile to home and his Dad, Vladimir, who showed us a great time.

36. Mel & Olivia, who will help us figure out how to raise the child of a true mixed marriage

37. Michael, for finishing our home renovation

38. Milena, for keeping our spirits up, saying what needed to be said (socks), and greasing some recalcitrant wheels

39. Neil & Nancy, for keeping us updated on Otis the Elder and for the re-up (care package)

40. Nicole & Len, who were ridiculously shy about entering the fray, then wrote us some great notes. Thanks for reaching out; we’re glad you did.

41. Nova Jacobson, who made this trip with us

42. Pat and Bob, for being part of our family

43. Pat Manning, for getting our re-up/care package here

44. Patrick and Cynthia, for keeping the basil alive – we think

45. Ralph, for introducing us and for always speaking truth, whether we want to hear it or not

46. Rebecca Reich, who, as another adoptive mom, always had the right comment at the right time

47. Roberta & Carina, new friends in Almaty and soon, at home

48. Sagat and Galina, for almost always speaking truth

49. Sam & Karen Barbieri, without whom we would not have met

50. Sasha who guided us gently through the “2.5 world,” as he calls Kazakhstan

51. Sterling Youngman, a sterling young man, big man in so many ways, who also in many ways inspired this blog, which recorded, very much, a Destination Unknown

52. Steve & Victoria Tarpin, who demonstrated that true friendship is beyond measure… and for car-sitting… and for Bruno and Brutus

53. Toby Jacobson, for being D’s Dad, our friend and Otis’ farmor

54. Tony & Cathy, who were our soul brothers making the same but different journey at the same time

55. Various “anonymous”es (not you, we think, Lisa and Agent N), who kept our Irish up as we deleted your irritating posts

56. Zoya, our faithful companion, if not always faithful translator

See y’all in Brooklyn, and oh,yeah: Do Svidanija, Almaty

I Was Just Going to the Corner Store, Vladimir

It's Called a Windshield Wiper, Otis

Otis Checks Out the Man in the Mirror

Otis at the Big Almaty


Otis at the Alma Atinka
Originally uploaded by jakeyd.

Otis Gets a Walking Lesson From Vladimir

The Sleeping Tiger


The Sleeping Tiger
Originally uploaded by jakeyd.

Locals claim the mountian in the middle looks like a sleeping tiger.


Artist in his Display Yurt


Artist in his Display Yurt
Originally uploaded by jakeyd.

Thursday, August 04, 2005

Soundcheck

DJ: Soundtrack for the trip: Playing Itunes shuffle while surfing/emailing, on came Counting Crows' A Long December: "And it's one more day up in the canyon...And it's been so long since I've seen the ocean, think I should." There's a pier in Red Hook that's calling to us.

Another Unsuccessful Attempt at Napping... and Some Reflections

It feels like we are living in Purgatory. The routine has become, well, routine. That is, aside from the facts that:

  • Otis has been crying incessantly for the last two days whenever awake and not being held (and sometimes also when being held). Who knows why? Refusal to nap? Ongoing teething? A new stage of development? A new stage of bonding? The cold he seems to have? Frustration at not being as mobile as he clearly wants to be? Just plain cussedness? Some combination of the above?
  • The dryer is on the fritz, presumably because we can’t find the lint screen. So there are faintly mildewy smelling clothes hanging everywhere.

We are so looking forward to getting home, although we are beginning to suspect that we will be the Airplane-mates from Hell.

So let’s talk about something different.

There are obviously many reasons for having kids, but it seems to me that seeing yourself, your mate, and the combination of the two of you and your values advance another generation looms large for many people. It was definitely a big part of why we did this – that and a shared vision of ourselves as a family with a child. Clearly, adoption screws with many people’s (at least initial) conception of the advance-yourself-another-generation-motivation – but, ultimately, I don’t think there’s much difference – genes or no genes, we’ll be trying to pass on what is important to us to Otis. (I have no doubt that for both of us, and, more, for Otis, we’ll also be wondering frequently about the two people we’ve never met and probably never will who are in some way also part of our family now, along with the preceding generations of which they are part.)

But this trip has made me realize that the “passing on” thing works two ways – you pass back as well as forward. Having a child has been a chance to connect in ways that maybe weren’t possible before with the strengths of my parents and my own upbringing.

Just as importantly, and entirely related-ly, it has been very, very important to me how my parents have accepted, and then welcomed our decision. While adoption was certainly not a choice that was disapproved of when I was growing up, neither was it a choice that got a huge standing ovation. For the reasons alluded to above, I think.

Few things have been more moving to me than the gradual – and always gracious, loving, and respectful -- evolution in my parents’ thinking. My dad’s e-mail to us about my mom and dad’s discussions and choice of preferred grandma/grandpa names, and my mom’s subsequent e-mail about my immigrant Grandpa Charlie, for whom Otis is partly named, are, I hope, family documents that will matter as much to Otis as they do to us.

What I end up feeling very strongly is that not only will we -- David and Candace -- continue, but also that we -- David, Candace and Otis -- are part of a fabric that extends backward and forward. Very Unitarian, I suppose. I love, you Mom and Dad. And love and licks to Bruno.

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Two Days and Out


Ceiling of PBC
Originally uploaded by jakeyd.

Otis screwed up his schedule today. He alternated between not eating enough and being cranky and not napping enough and being cranky. It made for not the most pleasant of days, but was, if nothing else, instructional. We had dinner with Tony, Cathy & Lizzie at what may be Almaty's only theme restaurant, PBC. The theme is Soviet nostalgia, the food was an odd mix of Russian, Kazakh, Italian and Mexican.

Yuri Gargarin Tribute, We Assume


Yuri Gargarin
Originally uploaded by jakeyd.

Soviet-Kazakh Friendship Banner


Soviet-Kazakh Friendship Banner
Originally uploaded by jakeyd.

Loose Lips, Comrade


Loose Lips, Comrade
Originally uploaded by jakeyd.

The Cuba Corner


Cuba Flag & Che
Originally uploaded by jakeyd.

Can You Guess Which One Didn't Get Enough Naps Today?


One of Them is Smiling
Originally uploaded by jakeyd.

Lizzie Tries Comforting Otis Who Objects Somewhat to Being Held by Tony...

...But Eventually Discovers Tony Ain't So Bad After All

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Ain't No Stoppin' Us Now!


Ain't No Stoppin' Us Now!
Originally uploaded by jakeyd.

Today, we had our exit interview at the U.S. Consulate. Surprise, surprise, we passed. Our interviewer was a very nice young guy from Westerly, RI, who told us we had been in KZ longer than he had. True or not, pretty funny.

Sorry re the bad picture, but I was rushed, since Max kept insisting that it was FORBIDDEN to take a picture this close to the actual Consulate. (And in fact, the guards insisted on holding our camera for us when they inspected our bags before we went up to to the Consulate itself.)

We Have Otis' Kazakhstani Passport....

... His U.S. Visa, And...


... His U.S. Visa, And...
Originally uploaded by jakeyd.

... His Double Secret, Triple Alpha Clearance Immigration Package

This envelope is to be brought UNOPENED to JFK Immigration. It presumably contains our affidavit stating that Otis has to the best of our knowledge and belief never engaged in drug smuggling, prostitution....

It's funny, even after seven weeks in a corrupt dictatorship, a few minutes in the US Consulate brings everything that is increasingly annoying about the States rushing back. Notably, incredibly intrusive and incredibly ineffective building security.

Our Family (Minus One)


Our Family (Minus One)
Originally uploaded by jakeyd.

The crew went out for vast amounts of amazingly good Chinese food at one of David's and my favorite places. We recently realized that the restaurant is really the service end of a casino, which means that there is never anyone in the restaurant, notwithstanding the quality of the food, which all, we guess, otherwise goes to casino patrons. We made the waitresses' night tonight with three cuties (kid-centric culture, remember?), no one else to wait on, and NYC attitudes about tipping.

The Rest of the Posse (Minus One)


Our New Friends
Originally uploaded by jakeyd.

Roberta took the pictures with our camera, so no picture of her tonight. Cathy is holding Carina (proper spelling, we learned). Storrs people: doesn't Carina look like Becky's eldest?

Roberta and Carina are flying home tonight, which is good because Roberta took a nasty fall a week or so ago and has, at least, one of the nastiest bruises I've ever seen, compounded by a chemical burn caused by local folk medicine. (Turns out cabbage burns just as bad as mustard.)

Monday, August 01, 2005

A Hot & Sweaty Night in Almaty


C&O, C&R
Originally uploaded by jakeyd.

The Russian doctor came by today to look at the rash on Otis' face and pronounced it eczema with staph or strep growing on top, i.e., as far as C can tell, impetigo, just like Roberta said. He prescribed what he called a disinfectant, and Roberta called gentian violet or something like it. In any event it leaves nasty stains all over everything. (C: It is beet concentrate in my opinion.) He also prescribed a fungicide if the purple stuff doesn't work. Why this is appropriate is any one's guess. He said if that doesn't work, try leeches or bleeding him. (C: D' s idea of a joke. I liked the guy; D did not. Liking, of course, does not equate with competence. Max says this guy is one of the best doctors in the city. Sigh.) The big news is that Otis' passport was ready and picked up, so we're off to the US Consulate tomorrow for our interview, and then the only thing left to do is get on that plane.

Tony, Cathy, Lizzie, Roberta & Carina (Karina?) came over for dinner tonight. CD whipped up her usual sterling effort, another pork curry, mighty tasty. Our guests brought a beautiful cake. A good time was had by all, who are grateful to be in each other's company and happy to be getting out of Dodge soon.

Roberta & Carina


Roberta & Carina
Originally uploaded by jakeyd.

Showing Everyone Pictures of Bruno


Showing Everyone Pictures of Bruno
Originally uploaded by jakeyd.

Hot & Sweaty Guy Cutting Lovely Cake

Lovely Cake that Tony & Cathy, Roberta Brought